A View From Forty-nine

My forty-ninth birthday recently came and went, leaving much to ponder over. How long does middle age last? Until the first grandchild is born? When will I start feeling like an old person?

Honestly, at this point in my life, I feel in some ways younger than I've ever felt before. It could be that as a child I didn't always feel young. Being a first-born, I was expected to show responsibility at a young age by being a helper to my parents on the farm and a caretaker for my younger siblings. I'm not complaining-----just pointing out a fact of my life. One of the lines my mother said so often to me was "See to do things without being told!!" In other words, when there is work to be done, get busy and do it. Don't wait for your elders to tell you to do so. Anyway, it helped shape my eventual adult self........serious-minded, dutiful, dependable........and quite boring!

In my 20's and 30's, life was all about taking care of my children. Motherhood is wonderful, of course, but also exhausting, especially during the years when children are completely dependent on the parents (mostly the mother) to provide constant care and supervision. For years, it seemed, all I did was watch little kids, forever keeping an eye on them so they didn't wander off and get lost in cornfields or run over by farm machinery. During those years, I felt old and pressed upon, and constantly tired. I used to listen to working women say that they couldn't wait until weekends were over so they could get back to the peace and quiet of their jobs. Hmm. I began to wonder if I had made the right decision to forego a career.

Finally, all my children were in school, and I was in my early 40's and feeling like I was on vacation alot of the time, because I no longer was preoccupied constantly with a child's physical welfare. Shopping became enjoyable-----I could go to town without a child in tow, and was actually able to spend time browsing in peace for clothes for myself once again. I could attend my older children's school activities and actually watch them instead of keeping a constant eye on the younger ones. If Husband needed me for tractor-driving or other chores, I could drop what I was doing and be immediately at his service. (Oh, joy!) Yes, the forties for me have been rather liberating and have definitely taught me that life goes on after childrearing, and in some ways is better than ever.