Monday, January 7, 2008

In A Remodeling Funk

Well, I just reread my previous post, written by a person who had stayed up too late. I was posting so late because my computer had crashed.......Windows had gotten deleted somehow. The only unusual thing I had done the day before was use the Sunday School lesson CD to print off an Epiphany activity sheet. Was there something harmful in the CD? Who knows.

Anyway, I put in a phone call to Dell Tech Support, and a nice girl talked me through reinstalling Windows. It took almost 2 hours, but it was successful. Whew!

Thus, today I've been very tired, and feel in danger of sliding into a serious January funk. For one thing, I'm irritated that another remodeling project has been started in our the basement. I don't even care about the basement, or that it looks like a basement, with old exposed wood beams to give it character. But, my step-dad, an extremely gifted and capable person who thrives on projects like this, has the notion that our basement should be finished off. So he talked Husband into it. That means I will have people at my house everyday for who knows how long. Its just my mom and step-dad, which doesn't sound like much, but when they're around, my mood just plummets.

I'm now convinced that my breakdown of a year-and-a-half ago was related to them being here every day of a year-long house project. We built a new room and renovated our kitchen. Redoing a kitchen sounds like a wonderful idea, but it includes a truckload of stress. You still have to provide meals, even though you are without appliances and plumbing for several weeks. Additionally, we live far away from grocery stores and restaurants. I thought I was handling it quite well, but evidently must have been in denial and internalizing the stress, and eventually it blew.

Besides being a superb craftsman, my step-dad is a fabulous cook and baker. He makes everything from scratch, and keeps his kitchen absurdly neat and tidy, with nothing on the countertops......not one speck of clutter. Try having a person like that at your house every day......and cooking for them! And my mom......well, I love her, of course, but as soon as she enters my field of vision, I feel drained. She is sweet and perfect now, but our past baggage together includes issues from her first marriage to my father, an alcoholic. Especially, it affected her first two children, me, the oldest, and my next younger sister. When I was a kid, Mom confided in me, and conversely, took things out on my sister. Fear, anxiety, and strange situations have been companions to my sister and me since childhood, and they just don't shake off. They hang around.

Maybe if I'd had this blog to vent to during our previous remodeling project, I could have avoided the embarrassing and costly mental breakdown. Live and learn.

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