I appreciate the kind comments on the previous post! Thank you! In connection with that subject is this post:
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Here's what Miss Kitty's little family looks like right now.........sporting their newly-opened eyes!
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Here's the nest I sprang from:
.BMP)
It was the summer of 1975; we were making a swing through the West, taking in major sites and attractions: The Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Devil's Tower...........and Yellowstone National Park in northwest Wyoming. This photo was taken at Mammoth Hot Springs in Yellowstone, near the north entrance to the park. I am standing behind the bratty Little Brother.**
Actually, the photo's setting is very fitting for our family. We sprang from a marriage that was like a volatile pot of stew, often rocked by the mixture of binge alcoholism, denial, and a co-dependent who was very able at enabling and glossing things over. When a marriage pot rocks like that, it sloshes over, affecting things in its vicinity.........such as the CHILDREN in the household.
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I don't intend to say much more on the subject.......except that: if there is one factor in my childhood which may be partially to blame for the traits I have, it is the FEAR that I often felt as a child. Don't get me wrong........my parents were not child abusers, but our household often knew FEAR. I was extremely aware of it, which probably established abnormal sensitivities in my psyche.
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'NUFF SAID!! Except for: I'm not looking for sympathy, but this might be part of the explanation of my weirdness. By the way, the parents did divorce, bitterly, many years later.
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8 comments:
Thank you for sharing your new little kittens. This was the first year we didn't have a new litter on our farm so it was great joy to see your little ones!
Enjoy the summer - Another midwest Garden Mom!
Jeannelle, you are far from weird in any way. I'm sorry you had a difficult childhood, and I respect your desire not to air the details here. I've struggled with the issue of how much to reveal about my biological family and it's not an easy call.
Cute kitties.
kitties are adorable ... I told my entire childhood and left very little out and I found it very carthartic actually...(told it on my blog) my family had the alcholism, fights, fear, physical mental and emotional abuse too... ONE major thing I have learned through the telling of it on my blog is that the families I thought had never been through such ...many had to some degree and the ones who did not were really lucky special ones... we are just stronger for surviving it and you are too! nothing weird about you in my book :)
HUGSSSSS
Laura
Jeannelle.
Yep...your kitties are cute. And so are you...in the pic...and a beautiful woman now. I think it is good to review ones past and understand it. Sometimes blogland is the same place...sometimes not. If you feel hesitant then it is not the right place. I know that I keep a private journal besides my blog, which you know is now private too. But anyway I digress...what I really wanted to say is I agree with Ruth, you are NOT weird. But it does explain your sensitivity to things, people and feelings around you. And that is beautiful...wonderful. It is sad and achy what some of us must go through in life to get to where we are today...and especially my heart breaks for the children... the children bless their hearts. And so who knows why it happens in this family or that...we won't know. But I can tell you that I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and if we are spirit filled we know that is so, right? So I believe that you are blessed with your past to make you who you are today..which I am beginning to see is someone very special indeed!
Hi, bren from Zone 5!
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you liked the kitty photo......they are such plumpers, since there's only three of them.
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Hi, Ruth,
Thanks for understanding. When a person is a kid and living in a situation, it all just seems normal. You don't realize the effect of it all until you're way older and looking back on things. That's how its been for me, anyway.
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Hi, Laura!
Thanks for your understanding, too. And, you're right, it is rather cathartic to unload a bit, similar to a good cry. But, tomorrow, back to some farm blogging.......
Hi, trish!
Your very insightful comment slipped in as I was posting mine! Thanks so much! Yeah, I've got journals in dresser drawers, too. But, now that I'm blogging, I don't keep a personal journal.....whether that's good or bad, I don't know. Sometimes, I do jot down dreams. As I said above to Ruth......when I was a kid growing up in my parents' home, I thought everything that happened was normal.....because IT WAS "normal" for our household. It took me getting away to see it more clearly for what it was. And, you're right.....it was supposed to be that way, and everything in our past contributes to what we are now, and we wouldn't give up any part of ourselves, most likely. And, if we can help someone else along the way, then that makes it all worthwhile.
Jeannelle, this is a beautiful post, so full of honesty, and yet not revealing too much. I often struggle with how much I want to say, not about myself, but about my husband and his condition. The things you speak of here are painful, but you have come such a long way from that little girl who knew fear so well. I see you as a fine woman, with a beautiful family. Yes, sometimes you are sad. But we all are, sometimes. Thank you so much for posting this! (and i love that old photo).
Hi, country girl,
Revealing a few things might help explain other things, I felt.
Thank you always for your understanding comments. For a guy, I think, depression would be possibly harder to deal with than for a woman. I mean, I'm not sure about that, but I've known of a couple men who struggle with depression and it is SO hard on their families. The guy is supposed to be the strong, bread-winner, always ready for any challenge. A depressed person definitely DOES NOT feel up to any challenges, so for a man it is a double-whammy, I think. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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