Questionable Award

Thanks, Kat. Thanks so very much. Just what I’ve been dying to blog about. Ahem. Kat challenged me to “get my sexy on”. Ok, sure, here goes……

Its amazing I can even bring myself to type out the word “sexy” here on my keyboard, because saying it out loud is…..well…..rather difficult. That would be due mostly to my proper Baptist upbringing, not to mention that I simply would never think of using the word "sexy" to describe myself. Many women probably have similar feelings about themselves. “Unsexy” would be much more like it, though a guy once told me I had “nice” ankles and a regal face……maybe that qualifies as slightly “sexy”…..probably not the regal face, however; “regal” misses the sexy mark, I’d say.

It seems that farmwife and “sexy” do not mix very well in the first place…..they’re like oil and water. Usually, I’m dressed in clothing appropriate for the barn and outdoor chores, walking, loafing…..jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, boots. If that’s sexy, I’ll eat my chore gloves! Make-up and I never managed to develop a workable relationship, either; at most I wear translucent face powder to counteract shiny skin. I tried eye make-up a few times in the past, but due to the habit of rubbing my eyes, I ended up with the living dead look from smeared mascara. Its just not worth it. Same with lipstick…..it looks messy and totally out-of-place on me. Ble-e-chh!

God bestowed an odd-shaped head on me, and wouldn’t you just think He could have been considerate enough to provide thick, full-bodied hair to disguise my goofy head, but, NO, my hair is baby-fine and wants to do nothing except lay boringly flat. I use thick mousse in hopes of persuading the stubborn hair to stand up and appear larger than life, but rarely to much avail. Maybe I should use Elmer's glue! Most Sundays I leave for church, doused in much hairspray and thinking my hair is somewhat erect, but when I return home afterwards and look in the mirror, the hair is forlornly deflated, and I think, “Egads…..is that how I looked to everyone?” And, don’t tell me to get a perm; I did that for years, and grew dreadfully tired of the frizzy look. Definitely unsexy! On the bright side: so far, my head possesses only a moderate amount of gray hair, and it remains easy to hide with home coloring kits.

Some people see sexiness in bare toes and feet…..not me, however. I am horrified at the no-hosiery trend which now grips the fashion world. I’ve been stockpiling a supply of my favorite nylons in case hosiery factories suddenly shut their doors for good. Do the fashion designers think all women have flawless calves and feet to display to the world? Good grief…..heredity and four pregnancies have left my legs and feet looking like road maps and I certainly can’t afford cosmetic surgery to remove the landmarks and etchings. In church, I see women MY AGE exposing bare feet in strappy sandals....ack….I wouldn’t be caught dead doing that. My toes and veiny foot-tops are given full-coverage. Sure, I wear sandals with casual outifts in the heat of summer, but certainly not with a skirt or good slacks.

Skimpy attire is not my thing, either. I honestly cannot recall the last time I wore my swimming suit. The kids are grown, meaning no more trips to the pool (thank goodness). Our neighbor woman is older than me and she wears a bikini top while mowing the lawn in the summertime. Yeah, my husband likes to shake his head and make choice comments about that. Maybe I should surprise him sometime and dress that way for lawn-mowing, too. Haha. No, I could never do that……the pastor would drive in for sure, that’s how my luck runs. Only once in my life….that’s right, ONLY ONCE....I walked out of my house with a tube-top on, and ended up having the most embarrassing experience of my entire life……on a quiet, normally-deserted country road, no less. The trauma rendered me unable to look a person in the eye for years and years and years, to my eventual regret, for I ignored someone I should have been paying attention to. Why I took it all so seriously is a profound mystery to me. The culture and my upbringing are major factors, plus my innate stupidity.

Let’s see…..what else its there to say on the subject? Hmm. Let's not even talk about my unsexy fat neck or the little grove of man-whiskers that poke out of my chin from time to time. Hmm. At night I wear flannel……in order to stay warm! Flannel’s not sexy, either, but it is cozy and comfortable. I can’t summon the the bravado to show cleavage…..many women and teenaged girls do, and if they don't overdo it, it looks OK on them, but I would feel sinfully guilty and like an immodest idiot doing such a thing. I worry people would think, "Well, what on earth is SHE trying to prove?!"

I’m looking around my house and don’t see anything that qualifies as sexy, either. Sheesh…..I can’t believe I’ve typed that word so many times in this post. Most likely, I’ve missed the whole point of the sexy blogger award, anyway. Kat’s post is much better…..go check it out!

If you are reading this and have a blog, consider yourself a recipient of this award. “Get your sexy on” or your "unsexy" on and blog about it. If I can do it, so can you!

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