Back in the Blogging Saddle

“Aw, get outta here with any of them saddle ideas”, she snorts. “I ain’t the type to tolerate such a contraption……no sirree!”

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Have no fear, that’s just one of my neighbor’s Brown Swiss cows taking a glare at you. Behind her are cornfields to give you an idea of how they look right now. I finally took the camera along again this morning though I almost had to force myself to do it. Don’t know why, but am feeling very out-of-sorts this week. Walking, cooking, chores, are difficult.....heavy slow-motion is my speed these days. Mostly, I want to be down on the ground, in the dirt, pulling weeds, and I've done quite a bit of that the past few days. My sleeping is way off-kilter; due to churning thoughts I've been unable to fall asleep…..and after a few days of that one’s whole being is affected. Now, I feel as though I’m operating from inside a trance and though I feel only half-awake, the rather intriguing side-effect is that the world seems almost enchanted. Maybe this is the state of mind where fairy tales originated; maybe we should be thankful for insomnia once in awhile……or Once Upon A Time……

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Well, once upon a time in an ancient myth, the goddess Venus was grieving the death of her beloved Adonis and wherever her teardrops fell, Anemones sprang up. And, by Jove or Zeus, it looks like she must have shed some tears in our roadside ditch…..

Anemones are members of the Buttercup family. Yes, I believe I see the resemblance…….

This is the absolute truth……I had never seen this boundary sign before today, so it must be newly-installed. I had to stare at for a few moments to figure out what it is demarcating……possibly the line between two townships. Usually that falls along a road, but not in this case, due to a creek being where a road would have been built in the traditional one-square-mile grid pattern.

As I type this, my son is cutting hay in the field near the house. The noise adds to my discontent and seems to scream: “Get moving and do some actual work, Lazy Woman!”

So I will try to rouse my acedic self and get some small thing accomplished. In Acedia and Me, Kathleen Norris states, …..when life becomes too challenging and engagement with others too demanding, acedia offers a kind of spiritual morphine. Yes, that may aptly describe how I feel right now. It is not something that anyone in my household understands, though, so I’m on my own……and mostly have to fake being enthusiastic about anything. I don’t expect anyone to understand…..the reality is we are each on our own path in life. You do what you can and you do what you must.

I’m ok, really……not contemplating anything rash, but am trying to glean whatever it is I’m supposed to learn from this experience. Kathleen Norris offers an ultimately encouraging quote from an ancient monk, Evagrius Ponticus, who calls acedia a demon. [Acedia] instills in the heart of the monk a hatred for the place, a hatred for his very life itself, a hatred for manual labor. [Acedia] leads him to believe that charity has departed from the brethren, that there is no one to give encouragement. [Acedia] brings before the mind’s eye the toil of the ascetic struggle and as the saying has it, leaves no stone unturned to induce the monk to forsake his cell and drop out of the fight. No other demon follows close upon the heels of this one (when he is defeated) but only a state of deep peace and inexpressible joy arise out of this struggle.

Maybe we moderns might call it “being burned out”. Anxiety is part of my problem right now, I’m quite sure of that. My daughter will be flying to Germany this weekend and she is VERY nervous and that is making me nervous. And, I just heard the unwelcome news that a Brazil-to-Paris flight crashed into the Atlantic yesterday, with over 200 souls on board. Why do I even check the news……that is a valid question. We’re better off not knowing certain things.

I know, I know……turn all anxieties over to prayer. That’s what I’m trying to do…..but…..acedia/torpor/sloth is also known as one of The Five Hindrances to Prayer. Golly…..did you know there was such an official list like that?? I didn’t. My goodness, what a person doesn’t learn from writing blogposts.

God’s blessings to you and thank you for all thoughts, prayers, and comments.

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