Mom Stress

Yesterday, my two sisters and my mom and I met at a restaurant to celebrate a birthday. It was great fun to reminisce and laugh, laugh, laugh. My sister gave Mom a ring with a gigantic sparkling stone-----Mom liked it so well, she says she wants to wear it in her casket someday!


Today, I saw Mom again-----she and my stepdad were here all day so he could work on a small remodeling project in our basement. I love my mom dearly, but having people around the house just throws me off. I can't do my normal stuff, like having the radio on, singing and talking to myself, etc. My stepdad graciously helped us with a major remodeling project last year. He and my mom were here nearly every day for a year! It was great to have the help, but it took a toll on me, and I ended up in a hospital psychiatric unit for several days. Someday, I will write more about that; the psychiatrist diagnosed me as "Bi-Polar, type 2", but who knows, really. I feel it may have had something to do with all the wood stain fumes I had been breathing in. The psychiatrist, in his fancy foreign accent, said, "No, no, that couldn't be possible." Sometimes I wonder if they really know much of anything; all they seem to want to do is charge huge fees and prescribe expensive pills!


Now that I'm more tuned-in to my weaknesses, I mentally construct a barrier between me and people who cause negative reactions within me. Learning to not deny the reality of those negative reactions is crucial. Being aware and watching over my mental state is a high priority.


Today, Mom and I watched the new DVD movie, "Amazing Grace", and the extra DVD that came with it at Target, "The Search for Lincoln's Assassin". I missed out on most of that one because a church friend phoned and we talked for the better part of an hour. She's ten years my junior, and in the midst of having several children in grade school at our Lutheran school, also with a couple preschoolers at home, so she's in a much different stage of parenthood than I am. Its always fun to hear her talk about the current happenings at school.

Mainly, she called today to invite me to come back to church choir, which she directs. She says they need another alto. Choir was one of the activities I bowed out of last year after shifting into semi-hermit mode after my experience of being in the psychiatric unit. I told her that, yes, I would try coming to choir again, and penciled it in on my calendar. Being around people is just difficult sometimes, and draining, so we'll see how this goes.

After lunch, I sat and chatted with Mom a bit. She tends to lead conversations down depressing paths. Today, she suddenly asked, "Would you want to be cremated?" And she wondered where she should be buried. (She's in good health, as far as I know.) She brought up cancer, too. Arrgh. I was relieved to finally get outdoors for a walk, leaving Mom reading her book, Countdown to Jerusalem, a look at the "end times", by author John Hagee. She wondered if I wanted to read the book when she was done with it. I said, "No, thank you." Believe me, I heard enough about the "end times" in our household back when I was growing up. It affected my life, bringing in unnecessary fear and anxiety. Nobody knows whats going to happen in the future and nobody knows the true meaning of Bible prophecy, in my humble opinion. And, for sanity's sake, for the grown-up me, that's the final word on the subject.

The dogs and I had a pleasant walk out in the cold sunshine. Along the road, we startled a rooster pheasant in the ditch-----he rose suddenly from amongst the dry weed stems, with a honking squawk. He must have been sitting deep in some thick weeds, for several stems hung from him as he flew low to new hiding place on the other side of the road. Actually, he's the first pheasant I've seen around here all summer and fall. Hopefully, he'll avoid the hunters!

After walking, I dealt with the day's frustrations by whipping up a batch of gooey Mississippi Mud bars. (Mom loves chocolate!)

And, of course, funneling thoughts into a blog post is a great way to vent frustrations, also!