Here's a killdeer photo for no reason other than that we two crossed paths just a few minutes ago out on the road. He or she scolded me in that trademark high-pitched squeaky squawk that killdeer are known for. Apparently, I was venturing too close to a nest of young'uns.
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On Saturday I was a passenger for several hours in someone else's vehicle, because we were moving my son's fiancee's furniture to the house they've just purchased in anticipation of their upcoming August wedding. The moving went smoothly; a large U-Haul truck was used, and we had plenty of helpers to do the heavy lifting. The couple is not living together, but they thought it a good idea to get the furniture moved to the house so the groom-to-be would be more comfortable living there. I'm relieved he's out of the sketchy apartment he was living in.........mothers tend to worry about such things, you know.
The newly-purchased house is near the Quad-Cities, about 150 miles from here. My son's fiancee's father was planning to drive the U-Haul truck and he wished to avoid the heavy semi traffic of I-80, so we took Hwy.20 to near Dubuque and then by-passed on county roads to catch Hwy. 61 heading south toward Davenport. What a very nice, scenic drive it was!! I will probably never take I-80 to the Quad-Cities again, for this other way is much less stressful, and the route goes past many dairy farms, plus interesting places like New Melleray Abbey and the Hurstville Lime Kilns, both places I would like to stop and visit someday.
At any rate, I'm not used to being a passenger, and there I was a captive in someone else's van for several hours, but the scenery and conversation were very pleasant. During quiet times, I read the Saturday newspaper which we had grabbed out of the mailbox when we left. Normally, I don't read the "Ask Amy" advice column, but did so this time and was intrigued by the first letter of the day's column, from a wife concerned about her depressive husband's desire to be alone for awhile.
As a depressive myself, I can definitely empathize with the husband's plight.......more so than the wife's. There have been many, many times in my years of marriage and childrearing that I so desperately wished to be alone for a few days. And, of course, that was always completely out of the question, and how terrible of me to even consider such a thing. There must surely be a pill for a problem like that.....right? Depressives, and maybe even nondepressives, DO need time alone occasionally, and its too bad that so often their spouses have no comprehension of that.
This morning at our church, there was a young father and his two children at the service........they had been visiting his parents here in our area for several days. He grew up in our church, but now lives in a city farther away. His vehicle happened to be parked next to ours, and after the church service he was buckling his kids into carseats as I was walking by. I said to him, "Do you mean to tell me that you are actually giving your wife some days to herself......some time of peace and quiet?" (She's a stay-at-home mom.) He nodded and replied, "Yes........she puts up with me going to night classes, so she deserves some time to herself, and I wish I could do it more often."
Wow! That about blew me away. How refreshing to meet a husband with such an attitude, and it helps to restore my hope and confidence in the younger generation!
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6 comments:
Alone time...ahhhhh..we all need it! Wished I could share some of mine with you! My gardening...is MY alone time...it's MY space, MY private sanctuary. Hubby always knows that when I'm out there...(which is a lot!)I am doing myself some quality
meditation ...or..maybe it's self 'medication'. Either way...it allows me to have the strength & stamima to carry on with the rest of what life throws my way.
Hi w.o.w.,
Thank you for your very insightful comment! I agree that getting enough of that "alone" time can take the place of medication. And, you're right, it is a chance to recharge for the next go-round in the ring of life.
I hear you, Jeannelle! I know how important it is to have time to *not* be with other people, and how hard that can be to achieve. I don't think I am depressed (been there done that) nor am I a hermit (at least I don't think I am) but I surely do like and enjoy my peace and quiet. Right now, the hum of my computer and the sound of the ceiling fan are the only things I can hear; oh, and a bird chirping outside my window. I have told one of my closest friends (my age) that I don't know how she can stand having the TV or radio on in her home all day, always driving with the radio on, joining almost every sort of social or civic-minded club known to woman, and (from my point of view) constantly seeking and involving herself in entertainment of some sort. I ask her when she takes time to just "THINK." I don't have an answer yet.
I think time alone, getting in touch with our selves and our emotions, might help lessen the incidence of depression in this country. Not all of it certainly, but some of the less severe cases.
I adore my husband. He's my best friend, and we love doing things together. But one thing I don't like about both of us working at home as freelance writers is that I'm never alone. Maybe an hour a week if I'm lucky. I miss having at least a little time by myself.
Wow! That IS refreshing, Jeannelle! My husband also suffers from depression and I just stay out of his way for a bit and he'll come around. But if it were me, I don't think I'd be getting the same kindness! Especially when the children were little.
Good post. I liked your car ride, too. How exciting, a wedding!
Hi, Ruth!
Interesting comment! I don't know if I could do what you do.....work at home with Husband in the house, too. No....that would be too much for me! We are both here on the farm most of the time, but usually in different buildings.....different worlds.
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Hi, countrygirl!
That is admirable that you are very aware and understanding of your husband's depressive episodes.
And its not that I ever want any special treatment from anyone.....I just want to be left alone at times. I think: Is that too much to ask of people?? Apparently, sometimes it is!
So often, I feel that I don't NEED anyone, so maybe I don't fully understand the feeling of needing to have someone's attention. My great wish most of the time is not to be noticed BY ANYONE! So, apparently, when I wish to be alone, I'm in effect saying to people, "I don't want to notice you", and perhaps that's just too difficult for some people to deal with. And it appears very selfish on my part.
Thanks......you helped me to consider things from a different angle.
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