Awkward Moments In End-Rows & Elsewhere

Humor me, please, and tolerate one more post about spring fieldwork.........it really is fun driving the tractor!!

Yesterday morning, Husband asked if I would finish chisel-plowing a field that our son had worked on the evening before. No problem, so off in the tractor I went.

Here we are in the first round.......the photo below shows where field rocks usually end up.........in a pile along the fenceline. This pile is on the neighbor's side of the fence; I'll have to walk out here sometime and see if there's any pretty ones to put by our house. Also, there was a red-headed woodpecker on a fencepost by this rock pile, but I was too slow on the draw to get a shot of him with the camera.

The photo below was as the tractor headed down the hill during the first round. Our field ends where the plowing ends.......I kind of wish we owned that little stand of timber across the way........it would be fun to watch birds and other critters in there.
Before I headed to the field, Husband had asked me, "Do you think you can do the end-rows?" In years past, most of the plowing was done by Husband or his dad, and even if they allowed me to do some of it, they always wanted to finish the end-rows themselves. But, my father-in-law passed away late last fall, meaning I now step into his role as adjunct tractor driver.......poor Husband is scraping the bottom of the barrel to find help.....poor guy! Anyway, I replied "Yes" to Husband's question about the end-rows, figuring I could accomplish the task adequately, especially since I'd be way out there in the back of the farm where no one could see me make stupid moves and mistakes.

One thing Husband advised me to do was raise the loader bucket when turning around near the fence........so that's what I did, shown in photo below (the brownish areas are where cow manure has been spread for fertilizer):

When it came time to work the end-rows, wouldn't you know it, all of a sudden along came a tractor and planter in the neighboring field! Great......he would get to watch my awkward turnings and manueverings as I plowed the end-rows. The other tractor and my tractor drove along the fence together for a few minutes.......it isn't like meeting a car on the road, where you wave and then they're gone right away. No, this is kind of weird, to be driving a tractor in a field next to a someone else doing the same.......usually, a guy, of course, who's an expert tractor driver.......of course.

Actually, I wished I'd had a sign to hold up which said "WANNA RACE?"!!

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I tried to ignore him as I went through my awkward turns and starts and back-ups in the end-row plowing process. At least I didn't gouge out a fence. Finally, the neighboring tractor turned tail and fled the other way, leaving 12 rows of corn planted in its wake.......the tractor and planter are shown in the above photo.

The guy in that other tractor recently bought the farm adjacent to ours. He is several years older than me and has always lived in the neighborhood I grew up in. In case he thought I looked inept plowing end-rows, I remember him looking quite goofy back in the early 1970's when he would drive by our place with his big head of hair sticking out from under a farm cap.

He might not be aware of it, but one of my life's most embarrassing moments occurred when I happened to be talking to his mother on the phone years ago. That was in the days of party lines........if any of you are familiar with that. It was during my early high school years; my best friend lived up the road from me, directly across from where this guy lived, and their two farms were on the same phone line.

One day, I tried to phone my friend, and somehow got this guy's mother on the line instead. Just a couple days before, my best friend's sister, who was older and "in the know" concerning the latest neighborhood gossip, had told me that this guy and his girlfriend were soon going to get married (they "had to"). So, there I was on the phone, unexpectedly finding myself in a conversation with his mother, and I blurted out, "Congratulations; I hear your son is getting married." She replied, "Oh, really......I didn't know that."

Oops. There was an awkward silence, during which I wished to sink into the floor; I'm sure I quickly extricated myself from the conversation. This woman was not born yesterday......not only had I informed her of the wedding, but also that she herself would soon become a grandmother! Well, no matter......despite my untimely bout of Foot-In-Mouth Disease, this man and his wife have had a long marriage, with many children, and now many grandchildren. Having him watching my awkward and probably stupid-looking efforts in the tractor certainly brought back that memory of idiocy from my distant past, however.

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At one time, awhile back, I had stated the intention to try and use the "Dr. Dictionary Word of the Day" in my posts...........I've failed to keep up with that, but will try again: I hope my blog posts are not considered "fustian".

How Windy Is It?

Its very windy out today.......and it was very windy out yesterday.

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Please ask:

How windy was it??

So I can post this answer:

It was so windy that Husband got sprayed with cow pee from 30 yards away!!

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Idiotic Pizza Incident

There is no photo today.....deal with it. It'll be tough, since there are only a gazillion photoblogs out there, but......BE STRONG.....you can do it. LOL!

I did, in fact, compose this story BEFORE reading countrygirl's Hall of Shame post of yesterday, so this is not an attempt to mimic her story's subject and style. Remembrances of humorous situations are always out there floating around.....on the east coast, in the midwest, in the south, west, north......anyplace where memories exist!!

To my friends in blogworld, I hope you are having a wonderful day, devoid of any stupid incidents.......but, if one does occur, I hope you write it into a story!

This post will relate an incident I've long wanted to write down in story form. It will perhaps prove that no attempt to do a good deed goes unpunished, so beware of becoming involved in such things. Usually, its my own fault when stupid things happen to me, although this time, I don't think it was, but who knows......you can decide. The story is all true; I'm not creative enough to have made it up.

It happened on an uncomfortably warm and humid summer evening several years ago. Here on our farm that day we had done something unusual; we had chopped down a hackberry tree which had faithfully shaded our house for many years. I have an inborn aversion to removing trees, but this time it had to be done, because a few days before that, we had noticed the large tree trunk rotating as if on an axis as the wind blew, indicating rotting going on inside the tree.

It had taken most of the day to accomplish the tree's downfall. Husband wielded the whirring, burring chainsaw and the kids and I carted away branches and chunks of wood. Husband rode up in a tractor loader bucket to cut the high branches off first, then he climbed onto the tree to cut bigger sections. That made me so nervous, I couldn't even watch.......ditto for Father-in-Law, who had made his usual stop at the farm to check out the day's activities.

By evening milking time, the tree was completely down, and our yard was full of sawdust, leaves and sticks, and piles of variously-sized wood chunks. I felt completely not in the mood to cook supper, albeit feeling somewhat guilty for feeling that way, but I asked Husband if he would care if I went and got pizza from town. He said fine, so I phoned in an order for one large stuffed crust pepperoni and one large pan chicken supreme, to a pizza place in a town about 15 miles away. We happen to live about that far from three different towns, so by eeny-meeny-miney-moe, I made the choice that evening.

The drive to the pizza place was thoroughly enjoyable-----maybe that's why I wanted to order supper out-----just to get away for a little while and drive with the windows down to feel an actual almost-cool breeze on this muggy, still evening, our van's air conditioner having long ago given up the ghost. Most likely I had the radio cranked up, too, singing along, totally unaware of the idiocy which awaited me.

Once at the pizza place, I turned off the van (my biggest mistake), ran in and got the pizzas, jumped back in the van, turned the key, and........it wouldn't start. It would turn over, but wouldn't catch, like non-fuel-injected vehicles used to do back in the old days, when they were flooded. I waited a few minutes and tried the key again, with no success.

I went back into the restaurant to explain my situation and ask if they could put the pizzas back in the oven to stay warm. Not a problem, they said. After a few more minutes, I turned the van key again, to no avail. My next move was the dreaded cell phone call home to tell Husband what was going on......he would not be happy to hear what was transpiring with me, because it would mean more work for him to do. Thankfully, my son answered the barn phone. I cringed as he hollered the sordid story of my situation to Husband down the barn aisle, the words mixing with milker pump humming, stanchion rattling, and cow mooing.

After a few seconds, my son informed me that someone would come to my aid eventually, when chores were done.

Thus, I settled in to wait, ruing the fact that I had no book or magazine to read. I was parked right by the side windows of the pizza place, and near to the door. Before long, a female employee emerged from that door with a pizza box and a soft drink cup in her hand. Her car was parked right next to my van, and I noticed she set the pizza and pop on the roof of her car while she unlocked her car door. Then I looked away for a few seconds, and happened to glance at her car in my rear view mirror as she pulled away behind me........the pizza box and pop cup were still on top of her car! I jumped out of the van, yelling and pointing at the roof of her car, trying to get her attention before she pulled into the street. She looked back at me right after she entered the street, and just as the pop cup tipped over, spilling liquid and ice down her back window, the pizza box sliding also down the window and trunk and onto the street. Well, I thought, that was that......that poor kid just lost her supper!

I climbed back into my forlorn van, and a few seconds later was very surprised to see the employee's car come barreling back into the pizza place parking lot. She pulled in next to my van, glared at me, slammed her car door, and went into the pizza place. Through the window, I could see her talking and motioning.....in my direction, it seemed. Then I could see her making a phone call. Then customers sitting at tables in the restaurant started looking out the window-----at me, it seemed-----but why would they be doing that??.

Lo, and behold, a few minutes later I heard a police siren and then a squad car with flashing lights pulled in and parked next to me and my van. The officer came over to my window and said, "What's going on here?" I replied, "I have no idea. You tell me."

Then he did proceed to tell me that someone had reported that I had THROWN a cup of pop at a car!!

I just shook my head, and told him what had happened, wondering how on earth that girl could think I had thrown a pop cup at her car, when she herself had set the pizza and pop on top of her own car!!! The policeman said, "Hmm.....it sounds like there might be a misunderstanding here."

The policeman went into the pizza place and brought out the girl employee and the manager, and related to them what I had said. Incredibly, that girl acted like she had no recollection of the pizza and pop she had set on the roof of her car! I honestly wondered if she had very-early-onset Alzheimer's Disease or something. (OR, she had taken the pizza and pop without permission.....but, if that were the case, WHY did she draw attention to herself by accusing someone of throwing the pop cup at her......it made no sense!)

As we were talking there by her car, I glanced at its roof and saw there was still a moisture ring there from the pop cup!!! I pointed that out, and then the girl said, "Well, maybe that is what happened." My goodness, Girl", I thought, "what in the world is wrong with you"??!! (Or maybe because my van is old, dented, and rusty, she stereotyped me as the type of person who would randomly throw a cup of pop at a stranger's car!)

Anyway......long story, short.......the "misunderstanding" got straightened out, and I sat for another hour before my son finally showed up to take me home. I never did go back in to get the pizzas......I was too upset.

The next day, the pizza place's manager phoned me and said he had fired the employee. As if I would be happy to hear that.....but, I wasn't.....I still wondered if the girl had a brain disorder of some sort. He also said there were more reasons for her firing than just the incident involving me. As for the disabled van......Husband had to hoist it onto a car trailer and take it to the repair shop......it needed a new starter. Husband is always thrilled to have the chance to enjoy activities such as that.

To that particular pizza place, I've never had the gumption to return. This story has prompted a few laughs occasionally in a conversation here and there, although, I must be careful lest the facts of the story get twisted and I acquire the reputation of being a pizza and pop thrower!!

Anyway.....what does the moral of this story boil down to?......FIX SUPPER AT HOME!!! Even though Proverbs 31:14 says that a good woman brings food from afar.....DON'T DO IT!!

A Seatbelt Ticket of My Own

Here is Husband & Faithful Tractor blowing snow away from the mailbox again today. Sorry about the tree branch.......I took this photo through a window. I was too lazy and warmth-addicted to go outdoors right then. Actually, it was because I was babysitting two little girls, age 4 and 1 1/2. They enjoyed watching the plume of snow cascading up into the air.

The four-year-old had fun playing with my daughter's old Polly Pockets from over a decade ago, when those toys actually were pocket-sized. The tiny toy people are not even an inch tall, and they have very-detailed, miniature houses. The younger girl napped awhile, and then we read books. I became reacquainted with Peter Rabbit, Little Benjamin Bunny, Squirrel Nutkin, and Mrs.Tiggy-Winkle. It was a very enjoyable afternoon!



My son's run-in with the seatbelt ticket reminded me that I also have a seatbelt experience lurking in my past. It happened one summer evening a couple years ago when I was on my way to a Ladies Aid outing at a tea room in Independence, Iowa, about 25 miles from home here. On the way there, I did have my seatbelt buckled, as I always do, but because the strap across my chest seemed uncomfortable, I had draped it under my left arm, absently.....as is sometimes my habit.



Once in Independence, I had to watch street signs closely to try and find the one the tea room was on. While at a stop sign, I noticed a police car behind me, but thought nothing of it. I turned right, and the police car followed......no big deal. Then, realizing I had taken the wrong turn for where I wanted to go, I turned into a store parking lot to turn around. The police car followed me into the parking lot, his lights flashing by then. Great. Had I not used my turning signal?? I was sure I had. Were my brake lights not working?? What could it be?



The young (they usually are) policeman walked over to my window and said, "M'am, do you have your seatbelt on?" I showed him that I did......but, of course I had that strap under my arm. He asked me why I was using the seatbelt that way. I said it was uncomfortable the other way. He asked me if I had a doctor's order to wear it that way!! I thought.....you've got to be kidding me.....this guy must be having a very slow evening!



Unfortunately, I've never been one of those mythical women who can bat their eyes at a law enforcement officer and avoid getting a ticket. My bad attitude shines through too clearly. I said, "This is absolutely ridiculous." The policeman said, SO apologetically, of course, "I'm going to have to give you a ticket." I said, "Well, fine, just hurry up......I'm late for a dinner engagement." So besides memories of a lovely meal at an antique-filled tea room, I took home a $55 ticket for a seatbelt violation involving a buckled seatbelt. Go figure!


Here's some historical info that involves Independence, Iowa. It includes a kite-shaped harness-racing track, and two famous horses named Allerton and Axtell. The huge, old landmark horse barn on the west edge of town remained standing until several years ago. Downtown, next to the Wapsipinicon River, is a towering old brick mill building, and several blocks of old storefronts. You can enjoy an interesting day there, but watch out for young, bored policemen!

Day of Funeral

The day of Father-in-law's funeral dawned crisp and cold, with several inches of fresh snow on the ground. We were at the church by 10 a.m., greeting another long line of people filing by the casket one more time.

Right before the funeral service, the immediate family was allowed one last moment by the open casket. I had brought along a small stone engraved with a cross to put in the casket before it was closed. At the last minute, I handed it to Husband so he could put it in. He tried to put it behind his dad's shoulder and then suddenly we heard a loud "clunk"........the stone had fallen down into the hollow bottom of the casket, where it will stay until the Resurrection, obviously. We all started laughing and sobbing at the same time. I'm sure Father-in-law would have slapped his hands to his legs and laughed heartily, too. One of Husband's brothers quipped, "Well, that's one rock he'll never make us pick up!", referring to the many rocks their dad had made them pick up in the fields over the years.

The funeral service was meaningful. The hymns sung were "It Is Well With My Soul", "What A Friend We Have In Jesus", and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness", all from the Lutheran hymnal, but all three also very familiar to the Baptist side of the family. So, hopefully, everyone was satisfied.

The burial was in a cemetery about ten miles away, where Husband's mother is buried. The roads were slippery, so the procession of hearse and follower vehicles moved slowly. It was a special time, though.......I had happened to throw a Relaxing Christmas CD into my purse, so we listened to that on the way. It provided the perfect background for the meaningful little journey.

At the cemetery, we trudged through the snow to stand under the canopy by the grave. Since Father-in-law had been in the Marine Corps years ago, three relatives did a flag-folding ceremony at the grave. It was very solemn and somber. Then the pastor had a committal service. After that, we all stood around and hugged for awhile, then headed back to the church for lunch.

Husband and I had just sat down at the lunch table and taken about two bites of food, when his brothers came up and said we should take pictures of all the families now, before people started leaving. So we spent the next hour or so taking photos. We never did get back to our lunch plates.

Then after that, the funeral home director reminded us we needed to divvy up the flower arrangements and plants. So that took another hour or so, trying to decide what should go where. We sent large sprays to all the churches in town, and plants home with close relatives who wanted them. One of my close friends had given a lovely white ceramic angel, so we brought that home to our house.

Finally, it was time to go home. Milking cows and feeding calves actually sounded like fun at that point, for I was so weary of being surrounded by people, even though they were all very well-meaning and kind. Enough is enough for one day.

Football Playoff Fun

Today, some great fun......attending a high school play-off football game, the state semi-final, at the UNI-Dome in Cedar Falls, on the campus of the University of Northern Iowa. Husband and I hurried to finish up barn chores in order to leave in time to make the late morning kick-off. We often comment on how fortunate we are to live fairly close to the site of the state play-offs......many teams and fans must drive several hours to get to the Dome.

Our community has been blessed-----if you want to call it that-----with much success on the football field over the years. I attribute most of that success to the coaching; we have three coaches with over 30 years of experience apiece. They have developed a winning formula and never seem to lose their intensity. The community has soaked up the glow of victory, and seems to will it to happen year after year. Today, our team was up against bigger guys and stronger ball-runners, but somehow, with risky passes and gutsy plays, we came out on top. Of course, for our team, that also means another week of practice in the cold weather to prepare for next week's state championship game.

I always say it doesn't matter to me whether we win or lose, but there I was today, hands clenched nervously and whispering a prayer that our team would make it into the endzone for that last-second, winning touchdown. As if God would take sides in a high-school football game! Its easy to get caught up in the emotions of the crowd and the moment.

Our son, being a sophomore, doesn't see much varsity action, but he goes in on special teams. We tell him to try to enjoy the whole experience......the great majority of players in the state never even get the chance to stand on the sidelines as part of a squad that's in the state tournament.

Here's a little tale of something goofy that happened last year when Husband and I attended this same semi-final game: It was a morning game, just like today's was. Husband and I got to the UNI-Dome and bought our tickets and walked over to the ticket-takers. I had a small purse with me and the ticket guy, a sporty college jock type, said he had to look in it. I handed the purse over, thinking they were checking for weapons or something. He peered in and then took out a couple tiny boxes of Hot Tamales candy that I had thrown in to snack on. He said, "You can't bring food in here." I said, "What?" That's just a little bit of candy!" "No, you can't bring food in", he repeated.

I suddenly felt completely ticked off......he was treating me like I had a purse full of hamburgers, or a casserole! I looked at Husband and he, suddenly morphing into the ticket guy's buddy, said to me, "You can't bring food into the Dome." I gaped at him, trying to figure out if he really was my husband. I turned to the ticket guy and gave him a piece of my mind, saying, "I probably would have spent money at your concession stand, but now after this incident, I certainly will not! Enjoy the Hot Tamales!" And then I stalked off to find a seat, and didn't speak to Husband for awhile, who was snickering in amusement at the whole thing. Sheesh.

Today, I was more intelligently prepared with my contraband candy......it was stuffed into my jeans pockets. I had considered bringing a large purse full of sanitary pads for the ticket guys to search through. That would have been a hoot!

Go, Team, Go!!

Shopping Day Adventures

Yesterday morning as I finished my chores in the barn, Husband suddenly asked me if I needed to go shopping. What a dumb question......of course, I can always come up with a reason to shop. He needed some parts for the elevator and for the pickup. Quickly, I racked my brain to see what other errands I could do, like scheduling a fitting for my mother-of-the-bride dress and the strappy shoes, and shopping for the undergarment the dress will require. Without much trouble, I soon had a whole day's worth of activities and shopping planned out.

Soon, our rusty old van and I were merrily making our way to town.......the big town that has the mall and all the usual chain stores......Target being my favorite. First stop was the dress fitting. Hmm......I seem to have a lost a little weight since buying the dress.....I should have ordered a size smaller, but its too late for that now. It can be taken in in late July, if need be.

Next on my agenda was getting Husband's parts, which included a long wait at the parts counter of a business which sells bearings, chains, belts, etc. We've done business there for many years, and through all that time the same humorous poster has hung on the wall by the counter. It contains a long list of hilarious quotes, and someday I should just go in there and copy them down.....they are so good. One of my favorites is, "The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train!" Life is so often like that, it seems. You think something good is coming, but it turns out differently.

A stop at an auto parts store was next. I handed over Husband's list of needed items and let the clerk find everything. No problem. Just down the street happens to be a favorite place of mine, so I couldn't pass up a chance to go there as well. Its a shop packed full of antiques and junk. Mostly junk, but well maintained, and the owners are friendly and interesting. Everything under the sun is there......jewelry, knick-knacks of every type, books, framed pictures, tools, furniture, kitchen supplies, dishes......you name it, its there! I tried to narrow my browsing to the books and old fruit jars, which I collect. I found a Drey jar that I don't have yet, and some glass lids. I also picked out an old book on German history, but the owner saw that it was part of a set, and he couldn't find the rest of the set, so he said he would keep the book and call me later when he found the rest. Well, whatever. I only wanted to buy it because it had some chapters about politics during the Reformation, a subject I'm interested in. I think the Reformation was as much about politics as it was religion, and Lutherans rarely hear much about that.

After the fun at the junk store, it was off to Sam's Club. A boy from my church works there, so I visited with him for awhile. Sam's Club is great, but a person really has to be careful not to pick out too many items, or the bill quickly adds up to too much. I like to buy just certain things there......and I try not to look at anything else. Easier said than done.

Next stop was Penneys at the mall, and a dreaded session of trying on bras. Ugh. Unclothed middle-aged human beings are not a pretty sight. Sometimes I almost wonder if Eve, of Garden of Eden fame, was seduced not by an apple, but by the promise of clothing. Humankind could never have survived in the naked state......it gets cold in the winter in some parts of the world! Plus, humans just look better in clothes. The fitting room next to mine was being used by two women who looked to be sisters. One was trying on bras the other one brought to her. Their conversation was hilarious. The one in the room was hollering things like, "The girls are falling out of this one!", "The girls don't like this one!", "Get me the 44D." Males have no idea how awful it is to try and find the right bra. I tried on about a dozen and found just one of those that was sort of OK.

When I left Penneys, the sky which had been threatening rain all day, had finally let loose, and was pouring. Rummaging around in the van, I finally found an old dusty umbrella to use while I ran through the Target parking lot. I made sure I had a sweater with me as the Target store is always freezing. Quickly, my cart became filled with miscellaneous groceries and supplies and through the checkout line I went, looking forward to heading for home (a light at the end of the tunnel!). As I pushed my cart full of sacks to the front door and opened my umbrella, I reached into my pocket to get the van keys.......the pocket was empty (the oncoming train!). They must be in my purse, I thought.......but how wrong that thought was. My heart sank. The keys were locked in the van, and the rain was still pouring down. Great. I called home and told Husband and Son what had happened and that I would be delayed. Then I just stood there trying to think of what to do, finally deciding to get a Starbucks decaf and sit by the window for awhile to see if the rain would stop. On a wall which I had never looked at before, because I don't usually sit down in Starbucks, was a huge collage-type painting. Big words at the bottom said, "Joyfulness evokes another world". Really. In other words something like, "Think happy, and you will find yourself to be happy." Good advice, I decided, and forced myself to maintain an optimistic attitude, and keep my little dilemma in perspective.....much worse things can happen than locking your keys in your vehicle!

Through the raindrops on the Starbucks window, I could see my old van sitting forlornly way out in the parking lot. People were running to and fro, some with umbrellas, most not. Husband had reminded me on the phone that the small side window of the van, behind the driver's seat, can be opened from the outside. (As if he thought I could crawl through that tiny window!) Then an idea popped up. I asked the Starbucks server if I could leave my full cart there, and then went back into Target and bought a broom for $1.39, and a cheap rain poncho. With some effort, I was able to slide the little van window open. Then I put the broom through and started blindly hitting at the area on the driver's door where the automatic unlock button is. This went on for ten minutes or so until my arm was tired. The rain continued to fall, but I was staying fairly dry under the poncho. My cell phone showed a missed call from home, so I returned the call. Husband wondered how things were going, and I told him not so good. As we talked, I started absently hitting at the door again, and all of a sudden I heard that wonderful ker-clunk of the doors unlocking! I told Husband that talking to him must have brought good luck! I ran back to Starbucks for my cart, and finally was on my way, stopping also at Pizza Hut to get food to take home.

What a day! Never a dull moment. Watch out for those oncoming trains!